Friday, June 23, 2006

Chafing

First let me say that I will be retiring every other Wednesday from now on. The attention is awesome, so I think that a bi-weekly retirement post is in order. If the ratings drop again, I will have to go to a weekly retirement schedule. William seems to think that I have set out on a shameless ploy to attract readers. This was not the intent when I was first canceling the program, but it worked, so I will run with it.

Now to my story: I golfed last night. Thursdays is league night at work. So I went out with all of my buddies from work, and got beat up pretty good on the course. I do not concern myself with winning or losing; I just go for the friendship and camaraderie. I find it fascinating what is talked about on the golf course between men. Most of all, we are all out there talking about how much we love our wives and stuff, but occasionally the topic changes to something different. Last night got a bit strange.

It was 90 something and humid where we are, so it was a bit uncomfortable out there. So as we made the turn, and got to the 10th fairway, I noticed I was developing a bit of chafing. Now, chafing is not something that I usually talk about, but it was hard to ignore my cowboy walk after the 11th hole. One of the guys asked if I was all right, thinking I may have hurt myself. I did not know how to answer other than be honest. So I said, “ I’m fine, just having a bit of a chafing issue here.” They laughed at me, but they all had that look of sorrow for me. They have all been there. They threw out all of the terminology that we men use for chafing in the private areas. “ Oh, you got a bit of Crotch Rot going huh.” Said one guy. “ Nothing worse than Monkey Butt on the golf course.” Another mused. One guy referred to it simply as The Rot.

The conversation then led to such things as grooming and care to avoid The Rot. We went through the theories of Boxers or Briefs, and how they relate to The Rot. See, I was wearing briefs, as I prefer the support that they give the family jewels. The other three guys were wearing boxers. They say that they are a better preventative of The Rot. I find that boxers leave my guys to exposed to freedom, and feel it is no better than going commando. Anyway, all along I am developing third degree chafing, and my buddies are rubbing it in. With friends like these… you know the rest. So I lost to all three of the guys in golf, plus got some chafing issues to deal with. I am past the worst parts of the chafing, and am not walking like I just got off of a horse anymore, but I will not be fully healed for another day. Hopefully next week, one of them has an issue. Maybe one of them will have briefs on, and develop chafing. Then I can laugh at their expense. I need to go now; I have to hit the store. I need some diaper rash ointment.

14 Comments:

Anonymous the dogwalker said...

Maybe your "buddies" wear boxers because they have nothing to support. Did your legs get that much bigger from all your time at the gym, that they are rubbing? Maybe you should tone down your workouts. I have found that a healthy splash of baby powder works wonders down there.....

11:55 AM  
Anonymous somehow related said...

Now that is funny... I mean I left early last night and missed the cowboy walk and chafing discussion, which I wish I had been there for a good laugh, but instead I was avoiding a flying club that one of my golf partners was throwing (because I just had beat him)

But the best part of that blog is the fact that you said we were all talking about our wives and how much we love them!!! Classic!!

Oh, and yes Vick we do talk about our lovely wives, sometimes it distracts us and we can't even golf.

LW -- Good Luck with Chaffing!!!

11:59 AM  
Blogger jd said...

What about Boxer-briefs? Would that cause chaffing cause it's like a brief, but less so because it's also a boxer? hmmm.... Hope you're feeling better soon!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I did not think men talked about their wives unless the wived were close enough to hear all the good things being said.
As far as the chaffing thing, well let's just say I wish I was not eating my sushi while reading it. :)

12:57 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Isn't there a pocket on the golf bag that holds some type of cornstarch powder just for times like this.

Oh and Yes....Shameless.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the dishes that come with the chafing are very handy at babecues

2:04 PM  
Anonymous stepblog said...

Another term for this is chub rub.

Really, you golfers mostly stand around talking about how much you love your wives? Can you record that next time and podcast it? Next to retiring, that would probably be another effective albeit shameless ploy for boosting your traffic.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Gwen said...

Two things: boxer-briefs (as someone else mentioned above) and Gold Bond powder. I don't have external genitals but have spent enough time as "one of the guys" to know.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Peanutt said...

I personally think you would have beaten all three of your buddies at golf had you not had "The Rot".

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How wide was your golf stance on hole 17?

5:12 PM  
Anonymous lehighmary said...

I'm having some trouble understanding what "crotch rot" is (thank god). But I remember when my dad got jock itch a couple of years ago, he decided to burn the hairs off down there (so to speak). I don't recommend doing that ever! The house stunk and it didn't help (not to mention that is was quite dangerous).
ps. I'm glad that you're back, you are kind of the dark side of parenting for me.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

I don't quite know what to say to any of this...I hope it all works out for the better. Gold Bond and Desitin always worked for my babies when they had diaper rash. :) Stacie

9:20 PM  
Anonymous Sandy said...

wow...did you know that Dr.Pepper burns when it's squirted out through the nostrils? This is what happens when I try to drink and read your blog at the same time....thanks!

11:19 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Ouch! Been there. Solution as I saw a good buddy do...golf naked, or nearly naked. Let it breath man. Be careful though!!! Two problems, keeping the swing on-line and intact, otherwise you can really hurt yourself and slice!!!, or hook!!! depending on angle...if you get my drift. Other problem, make absolutely certain(!!!) there are no elderly people around. Buddy of mine had the same problem and decided to air things out, albeit modestly, in his black thong underwear. Problem was, his 250 pounds, putting everything into the drive and great follow through, nearly killed the 75 - 80 year-old foursome teeing off next to us. We head the collective gasp 50 yards away. Yes, they all kept breathing. You could always play it safe and carry the talc!!!

1:56 PM  

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