Friday, June 02, 2006

Water Conservation

I got home from work yesterday, and set the sprinkler up on the lawn. It is part of my daily routine. I water certain sections each night as needed. When we get enough rain, I don’t do it, but in the dry times I water my lawn. I hear voices in my head that tell me to do so. I hear a soft whispering voice, “If you water, it will grow.” I happen to listen to the voices in my head. Sometimes the voices get me in trouble, like when they say, “Go golfing, but tell your wife you are working.” I try to tune out the voices on those days, but they are strong. My wife doesn’t buy into the “voices made me do it” theory, but I still use the excuse. Anyway, yesterday Mrs. Whisperer met me on the lawn when I was setting up my water.

She came out and said, “You can’t water the lawn. We got our water bill today, and there is a note about a drought warning. It says to lower your water use by 5 percent.” I did not believe her, so I made her show me the bill. It did in fact say to help conserve, and cut back. I did not need the letter to tell me that we are in a drought; after all I am the Lawnwhisperer. My Lawn tells me when we are in a drought. If we weren’t in a drought, I wouldn’t have to water the lawn. You see I am smart that way. So, my wife wants me to stop watering the lawn as our water conservation.

This poses a huge problem. If I stop watering the lawn, the lawn will not grow. If the lawn will not grow, I will not be able to cut it. If I am not able to cut it, I will be lost. It is my passion, the lawn. I need to whisper to my lawn. Therefore, I will continue to water it through the drought. I told my wife that I would send the water company a letter and explain that we have been conserving water for a long time. I told her this, “Come on, we don’t run the washing machine very often. That is conserving water. The dishwasher isn’t exactly running wild. I mean, you don’t have dishes when there is minimal cooking going on.” As I was telling her this, I could see that she was getting a bit annoyed at me. She looked like she was getting mad. So I stopped and said, “Honey, that is not me talking, that’s the voices in my head. They told me to say that stuff.”

See, the damn voices got me in trouble again. As she walked in the house, I heard them say, “If you water, it will grow.” So I left the sprinkler on.

9 Comments:

Blogger WILLIAM said...

My motto during drought times is "Save water Drink Vodka."

9:47 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Do the voices say "You are not getting laid anytime soon"

10:04 AM  
Anonymous cassie-b said...

It's hard not to water when you really want to. Can't you just cut the time down by 5%. That sounds good to me.

10:15 AM  
Anonymous Voice in Lawnwhisper's Head said...

Green Grass is more important than clean underwear.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous the dogwalker said...

I have to agree with William,
I think the drought will be around the bedroom for quite sometime......

11:29 AM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain! Then Peace will reign in the Valley!

12:14 PM  
Blogger Odd Mix said...

Listen to the voices - they will keep you company at night.

2:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your wife is hot. Do what she says.

6:26 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

That explains a lot....guess the voices never tell you guys to buy us flowers or bring breakfast in bed. You know that flowers could help one forget that surprise golf game.

2:04 PM  

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