Wednesday, July 26, 2006

48 Hours Investigates...

Last night I watched 48 Hours. I like these investigator shows. These shows are usually about murder and stuff, and how they did or didn’t find the bad guy. Investigative reporting is the basic concept. I want to hire this 48 Hours crew to come to my house. I have some things that I need straightened out. Granted, it is not murder that I am talking about, but the issues that I have need to be addressed by somebody. I believe that 48 Hours can help.

Following are the issues that I want investigated.

My wife does not shop very often, and she cooks even less. Why the hell then, am I still a fat ass? There is no food in the house, and nobody cooking it, yet I can gain weight. It’s a mystery worth looking into.

Next, I need to know if my wife really has a headache, everyday. “Not now, I have a headache.” If we find out that she really does have a headache, then she should go see a doctor. There has to be someone out there that could help her with this problem, and I am only concerned about her health. If the 48 Hours team finds incriminating evidence that shows she is lying, then she has some explaining to do.

I would also like the team to take a look into Luke. I was a quiet, reserved, shy young kid. I did not get into trouble. I did not antagonize my brothers, or my sister. I was nice and calm. That being said, why is Luke such a piece of work? Did any of my genes even make it into his make-up? Is a DNA test required here?

Kyle should also be investigated. He is a smart little guy. He reads like a champ. He thinks things through. He is pleasant to others. He only really fights with his brother, but that is normal. He is far more intelligent than I ever was, so again I have to ask, did any of my genes make it into his make-up? Is a DNA test required?

I have a question about Kristin that needs some extra attention as well. Does she know that she has me wrapped around her finger? I try to hide this fact, but she plays me well. She gets all sweet, and brings me stuff home, like chips and dip, and then I’m buying her Ipods and stuff. She is a sweetie by nature, then she turns it up a notch, and she’s getting away with everything. I need 48 Hours to investigate if my cover is blown or not.

So, as you can see, there are some true issues over here that I would like a quality investigative team to get involved in. I am a guy that doesn’t have any food, yet am a fat ass, and a guy that gets very little action, yet has three kids. How are these things possible? It came down to 48 Hours or Magnum P.I., and I think Magnum is retired, so 48 Hours it is.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do like the KCR (Kristin Conversion Rate) of Chips and dip to Ipods. Is that like Prime plus a point, or LIBOR minus the Euro, or pi times MC squared?

12:45 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

I think question Two is answered by Question One.

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you smell what the Vick is cookin..?

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Question as to the Jeans fitting into your son's makeup?? Obviously your Genes were too big.

1:51 PM  
Anonymous mike said...

Here are your answers:
Excess Weight = Assmosis
Headaches = Mental Tele...nope...athy
Kids = Mailman, or Milkman. 48 Hours can definitely help figure this one out.

9:01 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Geez...she gets ipods in exchange for chips and dip? Wanna adopt me? I bake cookies, pies and cakes from scratch. I figure that's good for at least a new car....

11:09 AM  
Blogger Sharpie said...

Damn it - Stacie stole my thunder. Now I have nothing...

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stacie is Hot and she cooks pies...

Vickie is just Hot.


1:59 PM  

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