It's Either Me, or The Wicker

The storm appeared out of nowhere. It was sunny and clear, and in what felt like 5 seconds, it looked ominous. The wind picked up, and lightning was striking from all directions. My wife called out to me that she thought that it looked like a tornado was coming. This freaked the kids out, and had us in a scramble. Now, I have never seen a tornado, but I have seen enough episodes of Storm Stories on The Weather Channel to know what one looks like. I will say, that it was pretty scary. This was one of those storms that have your kids totally beside themselves. They want you to hold them, and comfort them. They won’t let you leave their side. This is a very difficult task for a guy like me. How the hell am I supposed to hold and comfort Luke, while I am curled up in the fetal position, behind the sofa, and sucking my thumb?

The winds got up there in speed. Trees in the back yard were bending at 90-degree angles. The rain was just starting to fall. There were potted plants flying into the neighbors yard. I did not see any flying cows, but the wind was wicked. I was just getting everything situated, when I heard this, “Oh my god, my wicker table. You have to go get it. It will blow over and break, you can’t leave it out there.”

In my head, just before she said that, I was already writing my thank you note to the storm.

Dear Storm,

Thank you for breaking that wicker set that my wife bought. I am not a big fan of wicker, and because of your destruction, I am now able to go buy something more comfortable. I will be forever indebted to you…

Then Vick interrupted with her statement. I responded to her, almost in disbelief, “You want me to go out there in this, and move the wicker table into the garage?” She said yes. Now, it came down to me being struck by lightning, or the wicker table being broken, and she chose the safety of the wicker table. Where does that leave me in her order of important things in life? The only saving grace in this incident is that I realize now, that I may not be last. Cause after she yelled for me to go out there she said, “Kristin, you go help him.” So, my daughter and I braved the storm and moved that damn table inside.

We lost power for 12 hours. Our entire town was out for most of the next day. The company that I work for was out for the entire next day, and is still out at this very point. The boys seem to be ok, although they were pretty scared. The wicker table is resting comfortably in the garage. Kristin and I are ok for now. We both now know where we stand. I think she still ranks ahead of me on my wife’s list, but it was never so close before. I’m gaining ground. I may not be last for much longer. Thank you storm, for showing me the light.