Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Kitchen Sink Part 2

I was not on the schedule for Friday night. Pat was going over with Dan and Jim to prep the room. They had to remove all of the appliances out of the Kitchen. The parents left to go check into a hotel for the weekend. Somewhere between the stove and the fridge things got out of hand. We were supposed to be taking up the top layer of the old floor, and fixing any damages. Then we were going to throw some tile right on top, and bam, we would be done. In the excitement of the moment, Pat apparently got promoted to the Manager of Demolition. This is a good personnel choice as far as I could see. If you need a Demolition Man, Pat is definitely it. This was a bad choice as far as ease of project. So Patrick MD went to work.

I reported for duty at my scheduled start time. I was all happy go lucky and chipper for 7 in the morning. I had my coffee and was ready to work. As I approached the front door, I heard saws and hammers. I thought to myself, “Oh good, they are ahead of schedule. We may be done by 5 today. These guys are good. I may not even have to do anything.”
I open the door and mosey over to the kitchen. I believe I was even whistling a little happy tune. I made the bend into the kitchen, and my jaw hit the basement floor. It hit the basement floor because the kitchen floor was gone. That’s right, my jaw dropped right through the rafters that the guys were standing on, and hit the basement floor.

“What happened?” I asked, almost crying. PL Dan started going through some bullshit about having to go to the bare joists and re-do the old floorboards. He was using terms like sister joists, and nailers. He said something about how fast we could throw down new plywood and get right to the Hardy Backer Boards. This is a piece of cake. It had to be done. We had no choice. He was still going on about teams of two, and how easy this all was when I first knew I was in way over my head. “Dan, what the hell happened, and who the f is Hardy Backer?

I took a minute to collect my thoughts. I kept them all to myself because they were all mean thoughts. Then I got my staff issued work belt. I got myself together and jumped in. I was just getting into my work as PO Jim told me about SP Kevin’s idea. You remember Kevin. He was enlisted as a DB, but got promoted because of his Idea. “ We’re going to move the support post from the middle of the kitchen, and get it against that wall over there.” I was a bit stunned and confused. “What the hell are we doing that for?” Mr. Special projects chimed in, “It will make the room bigger. It will really open it up.” Now, I understand the concept here, but there are only two people living in the house. How big of a fucking kitchen do they need?

I got back to work, and was thinking about who I would push into the basement first, PL, PO, or SP. Everyone involved in the project has an important title at this point except me. I’m the only bitch there, until Dennis shows up. His bitch stint lasted about 5 minutes. He got promoted to Electrician. We would not have needed one except for the idea mans grand plan of moving the support beams. Now Dennis is the certified Electrician. So all of these important people are off doing their important stuff, and I am hammering in floorboards. Working like a dog, I was. Bending nails, and hitting thumbs. As I’m working I’m thinking to myself, “I thought the damn floor looked fine the way it was. Who’s brilliant idea was this anyway?”

11 Comments:

Blogger WILLIAM said...

Hey I knew the Joist Sisters. I never nailed them though.

10:00 AM  
Blogger LoisLane said...

I shouldn't laugh at your misery, but I am. ;)

10:17 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Too funny...can you guys come to my house? I will give you an important title to, like Project Coordinator Assistant. :)

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you gonna tell everyone about how you sulked like a little boy for a while, but then sucked it up and became Dan's favorite?

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're sweating and cursing in the real world and William is talking about sippy cups and how he met his wife. Now that is Dad vs Dad.

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you going to tell us that it was your idea to update the floor in the firt place?

2:49 PM  
Anonymous OddMix said...

Really... I am laughing WITH you. Not AT you.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you'd get a better title if your collar wasn't crooked.

4:55 PM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

Remember, Whisperer, you are the Keystone! The one who kept it together. The reason the job was finished! OOps! Not finished yet! The floor is not sealed yet. Important step? I think so! Someone must return to finish the job. That must be you!

9:20 PM  
Anonymous pl said...

I thought you were incharge of Public Relations. I was so impressed with the way you took care of the elderly neighbor.


("F!@#$%& hire someone")

10:52 PM  
Anonymous joanne said...

"Working like a dog, I was. Bending nails, and hitting thumbs."

that totally made me laugh!

10:52 PM  

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