Thursday, June 29, 2006

Kitchen Sink (end)

Dan builds the new support post. Dan Builds the new support post. I’m sorry that I wrote that twice, but it seemed that Dan was constantly doing everything twice. He would get something finished, and be ready for the next step, but then find a small imperfection in the way it looked. We would rip it out, and do it again. Danny Two-Times he is called. So we are ready to take down the central support posts. The posts that have basically held our house together for the past 30-years are ready to come down.

Dan gets the first piece off, and then I believe Kev got the main post down. We all stood back and watched. The bedroom did not fall through. The new post appeared to be working. But there were still two more pieces of post to take out. Dan said that they were not the ones holding anything up, but they were simply helping support, the support.
So I jump in. I take the Saws All, and start cutting the bottom of the post. The first one comes down with no issues. I look up, and the managers are all having a discussion. I ask, “Should I take this last one out?” Dan gives me the go-ahead. I start in on the base of the last post. I am on my knees, with a saw, cutting potentially the only thing holding the upstairs up. I am sweating like a pig, and I am sore as hell. I have to stop mid cut, just to wipe some sweat off my brow. As I kneel up, I notice that the rest of the team is not standing there. I look around, and I see Dan and Kevin in the living room. Jim was back in the family room. Dennis went to the basement. So they got me in the middle of the kitchen, on my knees, cutting the last post. Those bastards are all off in the safety zones. Well, I cut that board, and to date, the house is still standing.

We are into Sunday now, and we finally have most of the prep work done. We had to put the cement board down on top of the plywood. Let me tell you something, that shit sucks. We had to drill 50 screws into each board. 50 screws had to go into each cement board. You know how hard it is to screw through cement? I’ll tell you how hard it is. It is so hard, that I was the only Bitch doing it. Sure, they all would drive a screw or two in, but for the most part it was me. Apparently it takes 4 guys to prep and mortar an area first, then you throw the board on, and the idiot screw-guy goes to town. Mike was helping screw the boards down, but he was in charge of cleanup. Yes, he was also a manager. He was the CUS. The cleanup Supervisor. He spent the weekend leaning on a broom. He would wait for some one to cut a piece of wood, and then jump all over that dust.

It is tile time. It is Sunday at 2:00, and we are just starting to tile. We started Friday at 5:00, and are just getting to the tile at 2:00 on Sunday. Dan stripes his lines, for level and 90 degree. He gets the quick set mortar stuff ready. We have a system ready. Some of us are bringing the tiles, some are laying the tiles, and Dan is the mortar guy. We get rolling. After a couple of tiles are in, I ask Dan a question. He replied to my question as follows. “How the hell would I know? I never did this before.” I looked at him a little funny and said, “What do you mean you never did this before. I thought that you knew this stuff. We’re counting on you to finish this thing up.” He told me to check the book. I said “What book?” “In my toolbox, there is a book”

For two solid days, I worked. 13 hours a day it was. My knees and arms and back are still sore. I listened to Dan at every turn. I was DB 1, and turned out to be the only DB. We all looked to Dan for guidance. Every word he said, hung in the air, and we responded. Dan was the leader, and I a mere follower. I accepted this, and moved on, and now I find out he was reading a fucking book. There it was, in his toolbox. ‘Tiling 1-2-3.’ Our Project Leader had never done a tile floor before. He was using a freaking ‘how to’ book. What the hell is that? What a weekend.

The floor is mostly finished. Dan has to go do the finishing touches. I will be recovering for days. I have blisters, and cuts, and tendonitis, and hammer shoulder, and all kinds of stuff. I also went out to the bookstore and got a book. It is a self-help book. It is called “How to say NO to family.”


Anonymous the dogwalker said...

Do you think they made you do all the grunt work because you were adopted?? All the real brothers had titles while you were just their little pissant. That sucks for you!

8:50 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

So what you are saying is that Michael spent the Entire week Leaning on a broom becasue I thought that is what he did for a living.

9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it was Paul Simon with the song "50 screws to please your Mother." I smell a parody.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous somehow related said...

I have to admit, I wish there was more to read. This is a great beginning to a book/ mini-series.

Can I come over and film your next project at the parents house? Come on, we can sell it directly to Cable!!! I'll even get shots of Bill and Sharon sitting around their houses laughing.

I'll go out and buy a bunch of how to books at home depot.. and the brothers (minus Bill) can completely redo the parents house!!!

How about making the upstairs One Big Master Bedroom !!!

10:09 AM  
Anonymous OddMix said...

This does sound like a great pilot episode.

12:30 PM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

Whisperer, What do you mean? "say NO to family" We're not talking cousins here, we're talking MOm and Dad. I figure that 26 hours is just a downpayment on the many nights, of throwing up and days of strep throat, and having the constable come to the door, and worrying you were going to grow up a SHY adult.(boy, was I wrong) The many nights of homework help, And the worrying to death about you when you had your operation at 6 months old! I thought you were going to die! I prayed and prayed for you. Sounds like you forgot your childhood. You get your personality, sense of humor, good looks, and confidence from your Mom. Don't you dare be anybody's Bitch! You did a great job! The Keystone kept the house from falling down. Remember that!

7:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go momo9!

9:40 PM  
Anonymous joanne said...

hey - at least your mom appreciates you!

thanks for sharing the "kitchen saga" with us... the way you 'splain things just kills me!

2:50 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Wait....Mom helped you with your homework? She never helped me.

7:46 AM  
Anonymous No Dramas said...

Well at least they cant want anymore stuff done....Right??

Just say NO!!!

Thanks for sharing :)

8:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This story was too funny! You're a good man Whisperer! See, aren't you glad you stuck with us "blog family". You'd have no one to bitch to and sympathize with you!We're one family you can't say no to!

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard a rumor that this was all William's idea to replace the floor!

1:02 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

I know this is much to ask but is it possible to get before and after pictures so that your fan base can critique your work?

5:43 PM  
Anonymous mike said...


12:01 PM  

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