Monday, February 27, 2006

My 7 Opinions

The saying goes like this: Opinions are like Assholes, everybody has one. I find this statement to be true. Now, I take this to another level. If opinions and assholes are one in the same, then I have seven opinions for brothers. Here’s the deal. My brothers are all assholes. I don’t mean this in a derogatory way. It is almost said as a term of endearment. I can’t tell you the amount of times that the last words out of my mouth before I hang up the phone with any of them is, “you’re an asshole, later.”

Now if you were to interview any one of those 7 guys, they would all tell you the same thing. “Yeah, my brothers are assholes.” If you were to interview my dad, he would say the same thing. My mother’s response would be a little bit different. She would more than likely add my father to the list. So she would say something to the affect, “ I raised eight assholes, and married one.” Now, if you interviewed my sister, the one and only female in the litter, you would have to cover the young peoples ears. She thinks we’re more than assholes. I can’t print the things she would say. So, I have no problem saying that we are a family of assholes, or opinions if you like.

It’s fun. Whenever all of the Opinions get together, we laugh. We have a great time with our assholeness. Do you think Disney would pick us up and do a show? The Lawnwhisperer and the 7 Opinions. It’s got a nice ring to it. We could have names just like Sleepy and Doc, but ours would be Big, and Stupid.

Big Asshole said to Stupid Asshole, “hey lets go make fun of F-ing Asshole and see if he gets pissed.” Sounds like quality TV to me, but then again, that's just my opinion.


Blogger Toady Joe said...

I'd watch it. :)

6:32 PM  
Blogger jd said...

I had to use everything I had not to laugh outloud. Great post, Lawn Whisperer. I hope you get your show!

6:54 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

okay, I am upset that you called me "Big"

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I only have 1 brother, but he's an asshole too!

- Jon
- Daddy Detective

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant!!! I can attest to the 7 A-Holes too... Hey I think you may be on to a new Reality Show!!!

The hell with Disney... you will need to go Directly to Cable for this show....

'Whispering A-Holes'; hey maybe do a Christmas Special !!! with videos, etc. and all of you sitting around the tree that looks crooked b/c the guy who cut your X-Mass tree down cut it on an angle (John) b/c you were in a rush to win the days tip race!!!

well, best of luck with the show.

-somehow related-

9:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always thought you were too assholinated anyway.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Odd Mix said...

I like "The Asshole-Whisperer and the Seven Opinions". Sort of the whole Snow White theme.

And William, how do you know you were cast as big? Maybe you were F-ing!

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Asshole Michael said...

We do get together and make fun of the Whisperer.
He was Big A-hole until his wife made him work out.
Now he's just plain a-hole

6:35 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Oh I can't even imagine the life your sister endured. Bless her heart !

I bet she has some good names for the lot of ya.

8:34 PM  
Blogger LizzieDaisy said...

No doubt, I feel for my own daughter with 3 big brothers, I can only imagine. Eeks the thought. Of course, "brother" topped my bday list every year when I was younger. Never got one though. Sad.

My hub's family calls everyone little shits. I never swore til I met them and now I say shit all the time. All their fault.

1:56 PM  

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