UnReality TV
We’re all in the same boat; we are flooded with reality TV shows. I personally am tired of it, but really what else is on television these days. The problem I have with Reality TV is that I find it very unrealistic. The names of the shows are all catchy, but seriously, they are not anything like happens in my everyday life. That being said, how real are they? Following is a list of how I would like to see the shows go.
SURVIVOR: Skip the people on a remote island somewhere. I am a survivor. It is rare that this happens, but it has happened, my wife going away for a weekend. She goes away, and leaves me at home with the kids. Shit, from Friday night until Sunday afternoon, I have the kids. If I make it through that weekend without a mental breakdown, I am a winner. I get bonus points if the kids are not bleeding and nothing is broken.
The Amazing Race: There is nothing amazing about two people bungee jumping to beat a roadblock. Here is the real amazing race. Driving on the turnpike, with 15 miles until the next exit, and your 4 year old says he has to go to the bathroom. If he’s got to go number 1, then you simply pull over on the side of the road. But if he has to go number 2, the race is on. If you make it to the rest stop in time, it is amazing.
Wife Swap: I am married to the single hottest chick on the planet, why would I swap her?
The Bachelor: This is how the bachelor goes in my house. I have a 22- year old daughter. She has had boyfriends. My wife and I put the guys through our tests. I grill the hell out of them. I try some scare tactics. We choose which guy we like. It is pretty simple, we choose the bachelor, Kristin has little say. Seems fair, doesn’t it?
American Idol: I sing in the shower. If my wife or kids tell me I sound like a howling dog, I lose. If they don’t say anything, I get a record deal.
Nanny 911: That lady doesn’t stand a chance with my kids. I have seen the show, and I know damn well that she would be calling 911 before she left my house.
Anyway, they are just some of my thoughts today.
SURVIVOR: Skip the people on a remote island somewhere. I am a survivor. It is rare that this happens, but it has happened, my wife going away for a weekend. She goes away, and leaves me at home with the kids. Shit, from Friday night until Sunday afternoon, I have the kids. If I make it through that weekend without a mental breakdown, I am a winner. I get bonus points if the kids are not bleeding and nothing is broken.
The Amazing Race: There is nothing amazing about two people bungee jumping to beat a roadblock. Here is the real amazing race. Driving on the turnpike, with 15 miles until the next exit, and your 4 year old says he has to go to the bathroom. If he’s got to go number 1, then you simply pull over on the side of the road. But if he has to go number 2, the race is on. If you make it to the rest stop in time, it is amazing.
Wife Swap: I am married to the single hottest chick on the planet, why would I swap her?
The Bachelor: This is how the bachelor goes in my house. I have a 22- year old daughter. She has had boyfriends. My wife and I put the guys through our tests. I grill the hell out of them. I try some scare tactics. We choose which guy we like. It is pretty simple, we choose the bachelor, Kristin has little say. Seems fair, doesn’t it?
American Idol: I sing in the shower. If my wife or kids tell me I sound like a howling dog, I lose. If they don’t say anything, I get a record deal.
Nanny 911: That lady doesn’t stand a chance with my kids. I have seen the show, and I know damn well that she would be calling 911 before she left my house.
Anyway, they are just some of my thoughts today.
posted by lawnwhisperer at 12:37 PM
10 Comments:
Ahhhh... once again you have out done yourself!!
I'm thinking about saying the Hell to the Olympic Games and just Have you come up with Reality Games!!!
We get a bunch of families together... and all compete!!!
I see that you did chicken out too on the Wife Swap show..... wise man....good answer...
-somehow related-
yeah, secretly we all love watching the real Survivor - Dad Version, why do you think we plan so many weekend away (have you found the camera hidden in the teddy bear yet)
Points for the Wife Swap (no swap) comment, but I am guessing you are still pulling down a negative score with the previous entry . . .
Always wondered where they found those kids for Nanny 911
Now if the show was Husband Swap? would she say the same thing?
I undertsand you think your wife is beautiful and all, but during the show wife swap, it is only for two weeks. Just think if you were to do it, you could possibly get a week of home cooked meals, you may not have to ask for underwear, and you could possibly go out and golf on the weekend. Obviously, this is at the part of the show, where there is rule changes.
I lost your amazing race once... And my kid was not in the car.
I would watch your shows before I watch most of the reality tv thats on now! Much more comical!
Your Amazing Race: Invest in one of these. It'll change your life.
I just caught up on all your posts since the Church post. You are hilarious! I promise to visit more regular...I am so glad you finally got your own blog! Stacie
Hilarious! Dammit, I cannot stop laughing now! LOL
Awesome post! You are clever! Where does that "thought" process come from? I'd like to think I'm a "Survivor"....9 kids and one bathroom!!! Now that's surviving! I would have loved to have seen someone "swap" places with me(temporarily only).My kids would have had the "Nanny" dribbling in the driveway and shooting hoops, or she would have been GONE!
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