Monday, April 24, 2006

Rabbit Patch

Picture 1: This is the Lawnwhisperers beautiful front lawn.

Picture 2: This is a rabbit that is hanging around the Lawnwhisperer’s beautiful front lawn.

Picture 3: This is the fucking hole that the freaking rabbit dug into the middle of the lawnwhisperers beautiful front lawn. The god damn rabbit probably dug the hole so that she could go have a thousand babies in there, and now the Lawnwhisperer will not be able to fix that patch of grass, cause Mrs. Whisperer saw the rabbit digging in the front lawn and thinks it is cute and stuff, so if something happens to the rabbit she will automatically blame the Whisperer. Mrs.Whisperer also showed the two Jr. Whisperers, who know that the rabbit is going to have babies, and don’t want anything to happen to the babies. So If the Whisperer were to go out there and do anything to this rabbit or its beautiful hole, he would immediately be in trouble from all other family members. Why this fucking rabbit did not dig a hole in the back yard, or on someone else’s yard is beyond the Whisperer. The Whisperer will not stand for this. The Whisperer must get rid of this lawn destroying creature. So now the Whisperer is a hunter. “SHHHH, be very, very, very quiet, I’m hunting rabbits.”


Blogger WILLIAM said...

I would recomend some TNT and some Rocket Roller Blades from ACME to catch the rabbit

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like digging the very large hole with a back ho and moving said such residence to the backyard.

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also like any caddyshack reference here. Including killing all the gofers / golfers.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also the thought of you with a very large fire hose also comes to mind and makes me giggle.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I have been sitting at my desk singing Kill the Rabbit from Bugs' opera.

2:50 PM  
Anonymous teri said...

God, Lawnwhisperer, what a fabulous lawn. I'm jealous.

Your brothers are hysterical with their comments!

Maybe you can put a decorative feature to hide the hole from the street so your neighbors don't see it? Thankfully it's only one hole, for the moment! That's what I hate about each Spring, it's always something different that you have to deal with.

3:23 PM  
Anonymous deneen said...

that is a seriouly awesome lawn. Poor little rabbit-you are going to "Farmer McGregor" his fuzzy little cottontail, aren't you?

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats was about the same size of the hole on 9 when I closed out the lawnwhisperer.....

8:43 PM  
Anonymous Carolyn said...

I think a more accurate quote would be, "“SHHHH, be vwery, vwery, vwery quiet, I’m hunting wabbits.”

9:46 PM  
Anonymous LuckyCharm said...

Good spot for a gnome!

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Somehow Related said...

I would like to make a public apology to the Lawn Whisperer....

There has been whispers around the water cooler at work, and at family functions that there may be a band of rabbit-releasing-culprits out to sabotage Lawns!!!

Be on the Lookout!! These culprits release pregnant rabbits out onto lush green lawns in hopes they make birthing suites, with giant holes!!!

Now, I'm not one to kiss and tell, unless of course she's a blonde beauty (cough,cough,cough)-(side note: Any takers?) ok then back to my story..... All i'm saying is that you know these Rabbit Releasing Thugs!!!!

8:47 AM  
Blogger Sharfa said...

That rabbit has good taste for some prime property, you should be flattered. tee hee.

9:02 AM  
Blogger KristieD said...

"kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit,,,"

Just be careful when mowing near the wabbit may end up with itty bitty bunny parts to clean up. yuck.

3:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really enjoy your blog and the funny stories you have... but please could you tone down your language? Some of us enjoy reading the blog without all the profanity!! I promise your stories would still be as funny without taking the Lord's name in vain.

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Michael said...

If you remove the language and start to sugarcoat things and make everybody believe you are so adorable,
then you just become Bill.

Be YOU!!!!

10:17 PM  
Blogger Sharfa said...

If anonymous one doesn't like the's a thought - DON'T FUCKING READ IT. Go someplace else more to your liking.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Max's Favorite Uncle said...

When the wife and kids are away, start up the mower and away they go. I landscaped for many years and have killed many of Rabbits in my day, not purposely but it has happened about 5 or 6 times. The worst time ever was when I was cutting the grass at a day care center, in their play area. I killed at least 6 baby rabbits, and then had to clean everything up because there was plenty of kids that play out there. Kill them accidentally. If you need help, I'll come over and cut that strip of grass.

1:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why the need to be rude about this? I just mentioned that although I love the topics on here.(and I believe I gave a compliment about how funny the stories are to begin with). I just feel uncomfortable with someone taking the Lord's name in vain~ I feel like I was very nice and polite about it~ I don't think the hateful tone was necessary.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Effie said...

no no, it's "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet, I'm hunting Wabbits"

cute little bunny...

12:24 PM  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

LOL... now THAT is funny!

I think the neighbors paid the rabbit to dig in YOUR yard... your FRONT yard. :)

11:07 AM  
Blogger Mainline Mom said...

Don't hurt the rabbit!!! I think all you have to do is mow in the vicinity and the nest will move on it's own. Damn that lawn is gorgeous.

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get a double barrel twanquiliser gun, but the poor little wabbit to sweep, and relocate it's ass!

If it doesn't survive the journey...then it's plainly not going to handle suburbia!

5:45 AM  
Anonymous mole said...

Mantua Township just saw the hole in the front lawn and whispered to me that the job offer is off the table. They gave the job to the guy with the pretty tractor and cart.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

i think you need to get a friggin shotgun and be a man do the right thing

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is sick you want to kill a live creature for you're stupid lawn?

2:09 PM  

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