Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Big, Bad, Ugly Freaking Wolf

I have told everyone about my fear of dogs. I am afraid of big dogs, little dogs, fat dogs and skinny dogs. It really makes no difference what kind of dog it is either. If it is a member of the dog family, I do not like them. That being said let me tell you about my Saturday.

Before I go into the events that took place on Saturday, I must give you a bit of back round. My boss is a hunter. He lives for hunting and has pretty much hunted for any animal that is huntable. Back in the fall he was wolf hunting in Canada somewhere, and got a few wolves. He has a trophy room somewhere that he keeps his hunted animals in. He had one of his wolves stuffed, and mounted on a fake rock. His wolf was shipped last week, and received at our work facility. I knew it was here, in the warehouse, in a crate. He was going to take it to his house one of these days.

I had missed work on Friday. I had a few Dr. appointments and such, so I was out all day. Being the good employee that I am, I decided to come in on Saturday to get caught up on my work. So I come into the dark empty building alone. Being alone allows me to get a ton of junk done without any interruptions. So, I enter the building and disarm the alarm system. I do not turn any lights on, as the sunlight is lighting up enough for me to see. I stroll down the hallway towards my office. I open my office door, and there in the shadows is a freaking wolf. It was a big, bad, ugly freaking wolf. I freaked out. I started backpedaling, and saying every word in the book. It took me a few seconds to register that this was one of the stuffed wolves, and even after that hit me, I was still scared shitless.

I gathered myself, and got my composure back. I tiptoed around the beast towards my desk. My heart was still pounding, as I sat down in my chair. I turned toward my computer and there was a big, bad, ugly freaking wolf head under my desk. I freaked again. The bastards got me, and they got me good. I grabbed my files and ran out of the office screaming like a little girl. The entire office knew about this practical joke. They all thought that I would be in on Monday, and they were going to be here to see me pass out, but I came in on Saturday. Saturday was April fools day. They did not even mean to get me on April fools, but they did. They got me, the bastards got me good. I hate the people I work with.


Blogger Effie said...

Oh this had me laughing out loud! That must have TOTALLY freaked you out!

12:40 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

A wolf under the desk? Did it Huff and puff and bl...Nevermind.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

You hate the people you work with? That's odd... I love them and I don't even know them!

Happy Birthday, John!

1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If we had only got this on Film we would have won the $10k from 'AFV'

Hey, there's always next time..... right John!!

2:26 PM  
Blogger jkdasfjad said...

I'm so sorry to laugh, but I can't help it, nor can I stop.

Good for you and being big enough to not set the whole place on fire, in an attempt at revenge!

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw you drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vics. Happy Birthday

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Sandy said...

oh for the love of all that's holy...I about choked on the jelly beans I was eating...I hate to laugh at another's expense, but that was the funniest things E.V.E.R......

4:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Watch out for the stuffed wolves ;)

5:26 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Happy Birthday!! What a hilarious story...cracked me right up! Stacie

8:33 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Happy birthday !! I hope you had a great day!

Funny your other brother just had a birthday last week...did you two have to have birthday parties together growin up?

9:42 PM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

Happy Birthday, Middle Man! All these people laughing at your expense. But who has the most beautiful lawn in the nation? Keep dwelling on the positive. What goes around comes around. They'll all get theirs! Lets get William! You must have some material on him. Think hard!

9:49 PM  
Blogger Suzanne said...


10:20 PM  
Blogger jd said...

Happy Birthday, Lawn Whisperer!

Are you even afraid of Mel? She is only 7.5 pounds and she grunts like a pig. ;)

10:26 PM  
Blogger KristieD said...

too funny!!

12:41 AM  
Blogger Tara's World said...

You need to read Go Dogs Go. They are happy dogs!

5:33 PM  
Anonymous erika said...

Hilarious! Happy belated Birthday. Sorry you have such evil coworkers.

1:38 PM  

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