Motel 6

It is already a well-known fact that I am not a fan of the dark. I have night-lights strategically placed throughout the house. The strategy is basically; if there is an open outlet a light goes in it. It’s a simple plan, but it works. So I had a visitor this week that took night-lights to a new level. This visitor Motel 6-ed me. Motel 6’s slogan is “We’ll leave the light on for you.” What I think they mean is that no matter how late you get there, they will have the room lit up and ready. It’s saying welcome to its visitors. Once you check into your room, I don’t think they want you to leave the light on. Am I making sense?

Here’s the deal, William, Mr. Poop and Boogies, was in town this week for work. He and I work together, and we were having some meetings, so he stayed at my house. He’s a fun guest to have cause he is funny and all. My kids like him because he is still basically a 5 year old in a 36-year-olds body. It was just hanging out, and it was fun listening to him complain about poor service in different arenas. He cracks me up with his old-man grumpiness when it comes to his views of how people should treat customers. This is when he acts like an 86 year-old man in a 36 year olds body. Bill’s got a lot of range when it comes to ages. The only puzzling thing about his stay was, he slept with the lights on.

He stayed in Kristin’s room beings that she is away at college. This room is next to the bathroom, so I noticed during my midnight pee break that the lights were still on. I figured he was still awake, so I went back to bed. The next morning I went in to get him up for work, and the light was still on. This clown slept with the light on. I sleep with night-lights; he bypasses the night-lights and just keeps the lights on. What the hell is that? Here’s the kicker, he also sleeps with the covers over his head. Now, if he is sleeping with the lights on and the covers over his head, maybe he is scared. If he is scared, I respect that and understand it. If he sleeps with the lights on, but covers his head because it is too bright, then I say, turn the freaking lights off. What the hell are you trying to do, light up the neighborhood? My house looks like a lighthouse with one light blaring at three in the morning. Did he think a boat was going to come down the cul-de-sac, and wreck his rental car? Was he worried about helicopter traffic? This didn’t happen just one night, but both nights. He slept with the lights on, and the covers over his head. He's a strange dude.

So, anyone who wants to come stay at my house, you’re welcome. I have a slogan now. The Lawnwhisperer’s, “ We’ll leave the light on for you, all freaking night.”