Thursday, March 16, 2006

Triple D's

I am not the world’s biggest chicken, but I am definitely in the running. I am certainly not proud of the fact that things scare me, but I am not too proud to tell people about it. As evidenced by my last post, I am not the big tough dad that I am supposed to be. I get more scared at things than my kids do, and my wife has to be the strong one. In my house, if we hear a noise in the middle of the night, I am not the one checking it out. The only reason I would be getting out of the bed, would be to hide underneath it. So noises pretty much go un-investigated. There has been a few times where I actually pretended to go check out a noise. I would leave the bedroom, close the door behind me, and just stand there. I would wait a minute or two, and then come back in and say it was nothing.
That is like two solid minutes of Fear Factor right there.

The three things that scare me the most are dogs, the dark, and the dentist. I do not like any of them. I don’t like the thought of any of them, and I do not like being near any of them. When I die, and if I am sentenced to hell, you can bet that I will be sitting in a dark dentist office with dogs biting at my feet. The three things that scare me most are the Triple D’s. Now, most guys love triple D’s, but me, they have a totally different meaning. So my wife has to take on the tough guy persona, cause me; I don’t have the stomach for it.

We have nightlights throughout our house. There is one in almost every room. Most people would think that they were for the kids, but they are really for me. We can run out of a lot of things in our house. We can run out of milk, or bread, or just food in general. Hell, I don’t even mind running out of toilet paper. But nightlight bulbs, I have them stashed by the dozens. I am the electric companies dream. Whenever I am in my house alone at night, every light is on. It’s safer that way. Maybe when I grow up I will be tougher. Maybe my fears will dissipate with time. Maybe, just maybe I won’t have to have my kids go upstairs first at bedtime. What? Of course they go up the dark stairs first. They have to make sure the boogieman isn’t there. Then they give me the all-clear sign, and then I tuck them in.


Blogger WILLIAM said...

The boogieman with a dentists drill?

3:47 PM  
Anonymous Sandy said...

Jesus...I seriously need to stop reading're making my ribs

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Sparkles said...

I've been a faithful lurker for quite some time and must say that I look forward to your blog everyday. I just had to comment today as I also have 3 fears. Clowns, midgets, and the Burger King give me the heebie-jeebies.

6:50 PM  
Anonymous Mrs Whisperer said...

The best was when when we lived in a townhouse and our neighbors two very large chow dogs got off their chains, and came to our house. I was at work and Mr Whisperer called me in a panic saying he couldn't get to work because there were 2 lions that roared at him on our front porch. He tried to leave through the window but they were on to him. Now he was too embarassed to call his boss and tell him he was trapped inside his house because his neighbor's chow dogs were resting at our front door. He wanted me to come home from work and rescue him. I tried to be sympathetic but my laugh was uncontrollable. Mr Whisperer did not think this was so funny!!

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have studied this subject for years. What I have founD, at the true core of all your fears, why you have all those night lights on, is that you are actually afraiD of playing me in golf. Sleep tight, Don't let the beDbugs bite.

8:34 AM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

Totally entertained! It must have been the childhood, that left you with so many fears! The Mom is always to blame! But the Mom is laughing ! Warped? Maybe!The dark doesn't scare me, the dentist a little, but the DOGS, yes, yes, yes! It is the mothers fault! You poor boy! It's nice to know that Kyle and Luke are Daddy's heros!

8:58 AM  
Blogger Odd Mix said...

I love it when a guy recognizes his, uhm... sensitive - yeah, that's it - sensitive side. I love reading this blog. I just sit here and anoy my coworkers as I LMAO.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW.... YOU my friend have Some Serious Issues!! and for the record mrs. whisperers' story could be one of the funniest stories I have heard!!!! That's a Classic...

Ok, back to you. What The Hell Happened to you as a Child?

-somehow related-

1:54 PM  
Blogger Dad said...

Pluto with a dentist's drill in the dark you mean....

5:18 PM  

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