Monday, November 20, 2006

Sticker Shock

I didn’t even do anything. I swear I have been a perfect angel. Well, sure, there is the occasional wise-ass remark. Every once in a while I may leave some things out where they don’t belong. Now and again I may be in a grumpy mood, but nothing I have done deserved what happened this weekend.

I was getting ready for the day. The kids had already been dressed, and they were eating their breakfast. I went upstairs and got dressed. I didn’t think anything of it. I went through the normal routine. Underwear first, socks second, then pants then shirt. This is the same way that I always get dressed. As I was putting my socks on, I felt a little pull or irritant, or scratch in the underwear region. I stood up, and did a little wiggle, and then I made the proper adjustments. The discomfort went away, and I went back to getting dressed. Everything seemed fine.

I went down stairs, and poured my third cup of coffee, and started towards the family room. As I was walking, another pull in the underwear region got me dancing. I was shaking one leg at a time to try to get the pain to stop. I hopped around for a bit to try and get the situation under control. Then it hit me; the blinding pain of hair being ripped from the skin. It stopped me in my tracks. What the hell is in my underwear? I had to check it out. It must be a bug. I must have ants in my pants. I thought that was just an expression, but here I am with something in my pants.

I am standing in the kitchen with my pants half down, and checking out my privates. Kyle and Luke are laughing at me and wondering why I am doing the jig, while being half naked. Then I find the culprit. Stickers. There are two stickers attached to my privates, and I have to get them off. I have only one question. What the hell are stickers doing in my underwear? I certainly did not put them there. Vicki! She sabotaged my underwear. She knew what the ramifications of putting stickers in my underwear would be. She claims she had nothing to do with it, but I have my eyes on her now. I will perform a thorough investigation of every pair of underwear, before I put them on.

It hurt like hell removing those stickers from my you-know-whats. My wife is clever, and she is out to get me. I will keep you all posted. She claims innocents in the entire devilish plan, but if not her, then Who?


Blogger Teri said...

were the boys laughing hysterically at this? I think one of them is the culprit. or both?

8:55 AM  
Anonymous OddMix said...

Respond with a similar strike on her undies drawer. Let us know how it goes. *snerk*

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I kept re-reading the part...

"but here I am with something in my pants."

I've heard of a brazilian..

but a stickerian?

Obviously the LawnWhisperer needed a little trimming of his own.

11:03 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

What did the stickers look like? Did one say "Out of order?" Did one look like the Chiquita Banana lady?

I bet the stickers were BIG...becasue you know what Freddy Chang says.

11:19 AM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

You never specified what the stickers were. "Inspected by # 5" or "size XL" or "Made in Japan"? Or what? Were they "Super Stud" or Spiderman or dinosaur stickers? You must let us know! Don't know why, just curious!

1:07 PM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

So glad you're back! Keep bloggin'!

1:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have to tell us all what they's the key to the whole story...I mean Inspector #5 is one thing..."Super Stud" and dinosaurs could be incriminating!

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Sandy said...

I soooo wish that someone had videotaped you doing the little dance and then ripping down your pants to investigate your underwear...seriously that would be fun to watch on

2:26 AM  
Blogger Lowa said...

This is FUNNY! I am sure it was painful though. Like, I can't imagine HOW painful. It would have been painful enough had there been no hair there (which is an awesome design, I get rather irritated at the whole "short and curly" arrangment anyway. What was GOD thinking!?!?) but with the stupid, useless hairs...pretty sore, eh??

Yeah, what kinda stickers were they?? I know you can't divulge that info, cause it would ruin the whole story, right?? Teehee You would be found out. We would all know that YOU put the stickers there, just so that this story would not be a lie and you could have great stuff for your posts? Yeah?? Admit it!

6:41 PM  
Blogger Slinger said...

wow, this is hilarious. I find stickers in my shirts and socks, but never underwear. I need to look out I guess.

1:30 PM  

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