Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Fit for a King

I have been married for 9 years. 9 years. For almost 7 of those years she has been lying to me. For seven years she has been deceitful, and hurtful. She has kept a secret from me for the better part of seven years, but last night, I caught her. I don’t know if I can forgive her, but I will try. I am not sure that I will ever be able to believe her again, but I am willing to give her another chance. Most people would just walk out in this situation, but I will try to keep things together. “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, if at first we try to deceive.” It goes something like that. Now, my wife has some explaining to do, and I will be listening. I will be listening to every word to try and find out when this lie started.

Last night I got home from work, and went through my normal routine. I noticed that there was something in the dryer, so I checked it out. The sheets were in there. They were all balled up, so I separated them, and continued running the dryer. A little later, after dinner, my wife was helping the kids with homework and stuff, so I decided I would go make the bed. I took the sheets from the dryer, and went up to the room. Then it happened. I caught her in the trap. “Hah”, I yelled. “YOU CAN SO MAKE A KING SIZED BED BY YOURSELF. THIS IS NOT A TWO PERSON JOB.”

For seven years my wife has asked me to help her make the bed. She claims that the bed is too big, and it is too hard to put the fitted sheet on the bed. She claims that the corners don’t stay on, and that it takes two people to do this job. Now, I don’t mind helping, but she always calls me to help while I’m in the middle of something. Or she calls me to help her make the bed, just as the Eagles are about to score, or just when I sit down. I ask her every time why, and her response is always, “John, this bed is too big, it can not be made by one person. It’s a two person job.”

Well, well, well. Her gig is up now isn’t it? I will agree that it is easier to make with two people. I will agree that when you do it yourself, it is annoying. I do not; however, believe that it is a two-man job. My wife has been leading me on for years. She has flat out lied to me, and I believed her. You know what? I bet my wife can cook. She wouldn’t? Would she?

13 Comments:

Blogger WILLIAM said...

I bet she doesn't always have a headache eaither.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

maybe you should trade her in for a new model.

9:07 AM  
Blogger lawnwhisperer said...

No, they don't make a better model than my wife. She's top of the line.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Allyson said...

I think you may have shot yourself in the foot here. It is not hard for you to make the bed by yourself but it is hard for her to make the bed by herself...

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why are men so stupid...“Hah”, I yelled. “YOU CAN SO MAKE A KING SIZED BED BY YOURSELF. THIS IS NOT A TWO PERSON JOB.”
she's been asking you for 9 years to "help" her "make the bed", and you all wonder why you end up making it yourself.

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Somehow Related said...

and I bet she does know how to keep the cupboards filled, and the pots clean? I believe this is a conspiracy!!! She does have some explaining or she really needs to make this up to you LW!!! Somehow there must be a way she can repay you back.... hmmmmmm i'm sure you can suggest something to her and she will have to agree to it..


(well, I hope this worked, I wrote everything you asked me too LW. Maybe she will fall for this, and You will have some great 'Late Morning Lunches' afternoons are so much better here when you are happy) thanks LW's Wife!!!

10:36 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

there are also these cool gadgets you can buy to hook onto each corner of the sheet and they tuck underneat the mattress so that your sheet stays and it's easier to put the sheet on if you're only one person.....

11:07 AM  
Anonymous deneen said...

Must I remind you again of the concept of karma? You will be sleeping alone in the bed you made all by your big boy self if you keep this up.....

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Things involving a king size bed are always a 2 PERSON job. I can just picture it, you on one side her on the other, nothing but a warm sheet fresh from the dryer between you??? Now you tell me, NO Wonder the sheets need to be changed in the first place.

5:08 PM  
Anonymous OddMix said...

Maybe she is just trying to lure you into the bedroom so she can make you forget about her not cooking.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Laura said...

Are you kidding? A king size bed is ALWAYS a two person job. Just ask my hub. I usually stand there, half-heartedly, while he runs around and whips the corners into shape. My biggest mistake was letting him think I could cook...

8:00 PM  
Blogger Effie said...

so that means you can make it all by yourself now? Good!

12:36 PM  
Anonymous RzDrms said...

wait. she's been asking you to help her make the bed for only seven years when you've been married for nine years?! this leads me to believe that (1) she had...ahem...someone else helping her make the bed those other two years, or (2) you two slept on the same sheets for two years straight. both are creepy!!! ;)

6:04 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Who Links Here