Friday, October 27, 2006

Day Four

Yesterday was so nice. I was at the highest comfort level at work. I was smiling and joking. I was happy and fun. Nothing was bothering me, or rubbing at me. It was just smooth sailing. I felt as though I was moving through the office, without ever taking a step. I was gliding. Do you want to know why I was this way? Cause yesterday was day four of the jeans.

I wore the same pair of jeans for four straight days, and let me just tell you, they don’t get any more comfortable than day four. On day Four, they just hang perfectly. There is no snags or grabs. There is no tightness or rubbing. On day four, the jeans just hang off of you. They are so loose. The crotch hangs lower, which lowers the chances of any chafing taking place. The waist is looser. If I didn’t wear a belt, they would fall down. Day four is a great jean day; there is absolutely no restrictiveness on day four.

The only problem with day four is that it is followed by day five. On day five, there is a very big decision to make. Wearing the same pair of jeans for five straight days is not unheard of, but could lead to people talking behind your back. A thorough inspection of the jeans is performed to make sure there are no coffee stains, or yesterday’s lunch stains, or grass stains. The jeans need to look clean, even though they have been worn for 4 straight days. The jeans will talk to you while you are getting ready too. Yeah, after four straight days, they are almost walking by themselves. “One more day, one more day. Think of the comfort level we are currently attaining. Think of how the next pair is going to feel. They are going to feel like you are sliding into a cardboard box. Wear me one more day.” Day five is very tempting, but I pretty much have stayed away from day five. Day one does suck; it is rough wearing clean stiff jeans.

Is there a way to get jeans to feel like day four, but be day one? Do I have to hire a stunt double? My stunt double would wear my jeans for the first three days, and then I take them on day four. Is there a way for me to do this? I don’t believe there is, but I know that every fourth day, I am as comfortable as I can get in a pair of jeans. I should start a jean company. Day Four Jean Co. Can someone lend me some money?


Blogger WILLIAM said...

I am in on the Day Four Jean Company. DFJ kinda like DKNY.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

use LOTS of fabric softener and wash them alone. let them hang dry till ALMOST dry and dont shrink then toss in dryer just to soften.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

I love it! you're back! I'm so excited! Change your jeans! After awhile, they do develope an odor! Spare your fellow workers! As every mother has said in the past,"you might get in an accident. The hospital workers will have to remove your jeans, I don't want them to think any son of mine will be wearing dirty underwear, as well as smelly jeans!"

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Emily said...

Okay, here it is...after you wash your jeans, dry them in the dryer until they are almost dry. Then hang the jeans on a hanger & use another hanger on the bottom of the jeans to weigh them down. Let them hang dry.

When you go to wear them, spray them with a light misting of water in the seat, hip & crotch areas. Then do some deep knee bends & your good to go...Day Four Jeans (of the clean, non-smelly variety)!

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Allyson said...

You could sleep in them

10:45 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

I love the comments with the Laundry tips...because each of them say "YOU could do such and such.." None of them say YOUR WIFE could do such and such.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

William, are you being a male chauvinist?

11:30 AM  
Blogger lawnwhisperer said...

People, can you see the commercial?

Hot sexy Dude(I would cast myself of course) walking down the street. A chick pulls up in a convertible and says, "Hey, are they Day Fours you're wearing?"

The hot sexy dude hops in the passenger seat and says, "yeah, but hopefully not for very long?"

Voice over as the screen goes dark:
"Day Four Jeans, chicks dig 'em."

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What waist size do DFJ's come in?

11:48 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

I can so see that commercial.

do it, LW. maybe some of your siblings will want to be business partners.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

For God's sake man, listen to your mother! We know what we're talking about, don't we momo9?

What the first anonymous said? That'll work.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

OMFG! YES! I swear If I had money to put into the research project of this, I would totally do it!!!

2:52 PM  

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