Thursday, October 26, 2006

Where I've Been

So I go out for a jog one morning in mid September. I was just trying to run off some steam, and get a little exercise. The morning jog turns into an all day jog. I ran clear across the county. I get to the county line, and I was not tired yet, so I kept running. The next thing you know, I am clear across the state. So, I decided to keep running. I ran for days, which turned into weeks. I grew a really long beard. I was running for so long, that people started to know me. They would run with me. Maybe you saw me go through your town. I was on the news in a couple of places. One time, one of the reporters that was running next to me stepped in a pile of dog shit, and he looked at me, and I said Shit Happens. They made a bumper sticker out of that saying I believe. Oh, you know what, I think I am confused. That wasn’t me, all of the above happened to Forest Gump. My bad. I have been busy though.

Actually, the reason I have not been blogging lately is that pirates abducted me. I was out in the ocean, rowing my boat. I was having a good old time. There I am, rowing my boat singing; “Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream.” What? Why is that weird? What else would I be singing while rowing a boat? Hey, when you row your boat you sing what you want. When I am rowing my boat, I’ll sing what I want. I don’t make fun of your songs, whatever floats your boat is the way I see it.

Anyway, this pirate ship pulls up along side of my boat, and this one-eyed nut job tells me to give him all of my jewels. I’m like, “Dude, the only jewels I have are the Family Jewels, and actually you have to ask my wife for them. I am rowing a freaking dingy here. I have a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, and a half a bottle of Coke. You are more than welcome to have that, but I have to get back to shore soon.” He gets all crazy on me and tells me to walk a blank and some stuff. He keeps calling me Matey, and growling at me. I start getting a little bent, and I say “Dude, do you want my freaking sandwich or not. Stop calling me Matey, my name is John. You need a freaking haircut, and your breath smells. Hey, what is that in those barrels that I see.” He then tells me that it is some kind of whiskey. So I was like, “Dude, why didn’t you say so?”

So I jumped on board and hung out for a couple of weeks. We cruised the ocean for a while, robbing other boats. It was fun. We sang songs. Mostly Row, Row, Row your boat. Then they dropped me off, and now I am back to blogging.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

LW, You're back. I guess it proves that you really do give a ship about us.

10:11 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Was it Captain Morgan? I know he has caused me to miss days on end.

10:22 AM  
Anonymous momo9 said...

If it was Jack Sparrow, I'm on that ship! I remember when you sang, "Michael Rowed the Boat Ashore, Alleluia" and you won a prize and your name was in the paper, remember? What's this,"Row, row, row your boat"? That's for babies! By the way, you don't want that boat with the whiskey to come by when you're stranded on the island with Dan. He won't get anything built!

6:44 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

I'm sure the wife was thrilled to get you out of her hair for awhile.

9:18 PM  
Blogger sari said...

Seriously, glad you're back.

11:21 PM  

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