Thursday, February 09, 2006

Parenting = Sex Drugs and RockNRoll.

So, I am told that as a father, you want what is best for your kids. I do want what is best for them, but also want what is best for me. I want my kids to be happy, and honest, and loving, and rich. That’s right, rich. I want them to be rich so that they can take care of my wife and I when we are older. I want them to buy me things. I’m talking about cars and stuff like that so I need them to be real rich.

My daughter is in her senior year of college. She will be graduating with a degree in Pharmaceutical Marketing. This is good, cause she intends to sell drugs for a living. She is going to be a drug dealer. There is money in drugs, tons of money. I watch the news, and read the papers, and there is all kind of action in the drug world. She may be able to buy me a car someday, if she becomes the best drug seller out there. So I encourage her to be good at selling drugs.

My two boys are going to be rock stars. When you ask them what they want to be when they grow up, they say Rock and Rollers. They are 6 and 4 years old, and are way past Old McDonald. They love Bon Jovi. They know the words to every song that Bon Jovi has. They play the air guitar, and the fake drums while we drive in the car. I am not sure when this all started, but I do know that it is my fault. I was getting a little tired of “with an oink, oink here, and an oink, oinks there”, so I changed it up. Now they are hooked. I have no problem with them wanting to be in a rock band. It will save me money on a college education, and they can make a lot of money. Shoot, even the bad rock bands make a ton of money. So my boys will be able to buy me a beach house. This is good. So my drug-dealing daughter will buy me the car that will get me to the house purchased by my Rock and Roller sons.

Now, like most men, I spend the majority of the day trying to figure out if I am going to get any action from my wife. I make decisions based solely on the chances of me getting lucky that evening. Yes, I am talking about sex, but I am trying to keep it clean here. So, here I am, the so-called head of the household. The household that my wife and I have created. The household that runs based on three questionable factors in today’s culture, Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. Can I get Father of the year for this?


Blogger WILLIAM said...

Do you think you will get lucky after posting stories on the blog?

I wanted to be the first commenter.

10:02 PM  
Blogger TBG said...

Oh I am so glad you started your own site! Welcome to the blog world!

10:14 PM  
Blogger victoria said...


10:46 PM  
Blogger jd said...

So glad to see you starting your own blog, Lawn Whisperer! Great first post!

11:09 PM  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Welcome to the blog world, Lawn Whisperer! It's about time you joined us...

9:16 AM  
Blogger Toady Joe said...

YAY, I'm so delighted you made it into the blogosphere (full time! on your own!) that bloody hell, *I* got lucky last night on your behalf. Woooot!

10:27 AM  
Blogger t_cole said...

father of the year - certainly.

your boys have good taste in music. when they are rich and famous, we can introduce them to my two girls. they call jon bon jovi 'Mama's jon' - as i am a grown up 16 year old still in love with him. went to the concert just last month. ~swoon~


11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHOA>>>> Wait One Second.... because I have an upper hand here on the insight to the Family... Was that the Victoria saying He Got Lucky??? Is that why my boss is in a good mood? Damn.... thank you .... thank you... keep up the pleasing....

Oh, and by the way.... Your First Blog was a Good One!!!

My Head is killing me, ask your daughter if she can get me some pain killers... thanks

--Married to the Bloggers Family Circle thing ---

11:52 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Only thing better would be if one of the boys were in sports then you'd have one in the drug world, one rocker and one sports all star. The world would definately be at your feet. No doubt you'd rule the world.

Glad you have your own bookmarked!

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Sue said...

LOL! Great blog start. You are a very funny man and clever too.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Football Widow said...

I sell drugs for a living and it's not as lucrative as people make it out to be! It's a great job though, especially for a woman if she wants to have kids. It's very flexible.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Twixie said...

Hey that's great.. always enjoyed reading your guest posts-- I'll be a frequent visitor.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

Glad to see you got your own blog! I'll be visiting...

Are you often going to post bout getting lucky? Cause if it happens often, my husband will not be allowed to frequent this blog and tell me what he's missing.

4:16 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Oh this is going to be good! A Fab first post! I'm going to bookmark. And Lawn....I wouldn't hold my breath on that Father Of The Year thing If I were you...I mean...drug running is one thing, and rock and roll is here to stay as we all know, but I think it's the wife that gets to nominate for things like this and if she's uh..."getting lucky" all the time, she's going to be too tired to do the nominating! I'm just sayin'

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lawn Whisperer, You got big balls to start this blog. Those Bon Jovi CD's will be in a box to Fla. with a poem very soon.

8:51 PM  
Blogger McSwain said...

Love it! And nice that your wife is keeping us updated on your sex life through comments. At least I hope that's your wife.

Just wait 'til they leave Bon Jovi behind and discover their own generation's rock and roll. You may start wishing for Old MacDonald again.

2:14 PM  
Blogger PresentStorm said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Blogging!!! Great first post.

10:51 PM  
Anonymous Kel said...

hey - they are going to seek counseling in their 20s anyway - you might as well give them good material

kinda keeps it in perspective

and make sure you take the boys to the Experiance Music Project in Seattle - it sounds like you are serious about this rock and roll thing and you need to teach tem right so they don't go off and start listeingin to Britney or worse . . .

11:55 PM  
Blogger LizzieDaisy said...

Just wanted to point something out cause it struck me as funny. There must be like a million blogs on this thing and when someone starts up, they rarely get many, if any, comments. Is it not the greatest that you already have more than most of the rest of us, just by referral? You got lucky twice!!

Now, keep us entertained. No pressure. :)

11:19 AM  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

Ahhh, a fresh new blog. NEW MEAT!

Words of advice...don't keep it too clean. Really, we all think it, we know that each other is thinking it. WRITE IT.

It will be refreshing.

11:43 AM  

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